Dude my mom stole all your condoms
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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