you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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