Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
