I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
