You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
