Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
