Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
