Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
