I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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