I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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