Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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