I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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