oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
