Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You can't special order awesome
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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