you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
