I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
