I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have post one night stand depression
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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