he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
