Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
