I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
