that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
