I think i peed on brittanys purse
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
