I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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