how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
