Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
