Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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