Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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