I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
