Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
