let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
