Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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