Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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