well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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