I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
