super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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