A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
