Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
