I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
