My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
