I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
