11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
