She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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