I wish my penis had an off switch
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
