literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
