I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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