I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize