It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
