Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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