He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
