Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He felt like a one man threesome
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
