I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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