im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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