I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
