Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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