I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
